Month: June 2020

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Tuesday Poetry: Darkness Surrounding

Everything’s a distraction
Watching movies
Listening to live music
Meeting friends at bars
It all distracts you
From the darkness within

You awake every morning
With a black cloud
Hovering over you
No one else sees it
No one would suspect
You’d have one

But you see it
It’s always there
So, you do things
To distract you
You stay busy
Avoiding the black cloud

Sometimes staying busy
Isn’t enough to help
Sometimes the black cloud
Surrounds you and
Nothing you do can
Save you or stop it

You don’t know how
It goes away but it does
It never really goes away
So, you learn to live with it
But your fear of it
Taking over never leaves

The black cloud makes you
Think the worst things
About yourself and others
You become your own
Worst enemy; a villain
Fueled by hate and pain

Your emotions are
A powerful force
And you’ve slipped
Into the dark side
The darkness wants
To consume you

How do you emerge from
The darkness after it takes hold
Everyone’s path is different
Your path might be alone
Ending it all is not the answer
Don’t let the darkness win

Never give up and 
Never surrender
But don’t live through
Distractions either
Find a way to overcome
Make the darkness disappear

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

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Poetry Monday: The Sound of People’s Voices is Painful

Some people are afraid of silence
They feel the need to talk about nonsense
Or they like the sound of their own voices
I like the quiet – I thrive on silence – 
When these nonsense noise makers
Decide I should hear their story
It takes every ounce of courage
Not to scream for them to shut up and go away – 
They laugh at things which I find no humor
Maybe I’m broken – maybe you had to be there – 
I’d rather be known as a jerk that people avoid
Then have rambling idiots talk to me – 
I hear random conversations
I get headaches from the morons around me
So many use words they can’t define
Or claim to be an expert when they know nothing – 
I wish I could make everyone be quiet
At least when they’re around me
I want quiet

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

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Coffee & Contemplation: Pride Month

June is Pride Month. It’s about being proud of who you are and your sexuality, whatever it is. Homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, asexual; it comes in all shapes and sizes. The point is being proud of who you are. I identify as demisexual. This means I cannot reach full sexual arousal unless I have an emotional connection with the person. I’m not going to go into further details in this post. 

June is also PTSD Awareness Month. May was Mental Health Awareness Month so we’ll continue spreading awareness. June 27 is PTSD Awareness Day, and I’ll share more about that around that time. I have PTSD from various traumas I’ve experienced since childhood. This also caused me to have anxiety and depression. I have spent the last few years attempting to overcome some of my issues. I succeeded in some places and failed in others. 

The biggest thing for me is to no longer feel ashamed of having a mental illness. And to no longer feel ashamed of past transgressions. I’ve made many mistakes. I’ve lost people I cared about because I wouldn’t face my problems. I won’t feel sorry for myself anymore. I ask that everyone have pride in fighting against a mental illness. Be proud of the progress you’ve made. The point of Pride Month is to love yourself. So, bring awareness to your community and be proud of everything you’ve overcome.