Throwback Thursday Poetry: My So-Called Love

i’m not the one to blame
when you have gone insane
you seem to want to tame
the life i live with pain
it’s freedom that i crave
but you don’t feel the same

oh no
you see
i’m begging on my knees
today
i plead
why won’t you let me

i guess i have no choice
it’s me that you annoy
it seems i’ve lost my voice
i hear you rejoice
it brings you joy to see
all this tragedy

i can’t
believe
you’d do all this to me
the heart
in me
it blinds me to your deeds

this pain
i feel
i will never reveal
to them
to me
i will never be free

Early poetry from James. From the poetry collection Pariah Bound: The Lonesome Poetry.

Twofer Tuesday Poetry: Symptoms & Shitty Male Role Models

Symptoms

Lack of trust
Social isolation
Difficulty expressing
Emotions
Low self-esteem
Inhibited sexuality
Repressed memories
Feeling different
Not human
Hopelessness
Auditory hallucinating
Anxious behavior
Terminal loneliness
Premature ejaculation
Inability to orgasm
Chest pounding
Hands shaking
Panic attacks

Shitty Male Role Models

My sister was in the army
I had just graduated Basic Combat Training
My father was never in the service
But his brother was way back when
He explained, in the army, that was this and this was that
My sister said things had changed
She said that was that and this was this
My father said no – that was this and this was that
I said my sister was right about that and this
My father said, “Oh I guess they changed things.”
Wasn’t my sister’s validation good enough?

We were at my father’s uncle’s house
And the police showed up
Someone accused my father’s uncle
Of sexually molesting a baby, less than 2-years-old
The police left; no arrests
My father and sister and I said nothing
We learned later the accusations were true
Having a father who had no respect for women
Suddenly didn’t sound so bad

From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.

Poetry Monday: The Show Must Go On

Are you watching closely?
I have a show for you
It’s full of amazement
And laughter and trauma
One show with all the things
This show is about pain

Are you watching closely?
Is the illusion real?
Is there a show on stage
If there’s no audience?
Where is everyone?
Don’t they see my exploits?

Are you watching closely?
I say to nothing
Did you have a great time?
Silence from the empty
Do you notice me here?
Are you watching closely?

From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.