Toward the end of January, I went hard with social media posting. I posted something every day and I checked notifications constantly. I think this took a toll on me. All that extra noise on top of already feeling depressed and people started telling me that I always say something that rubs people the wrong way. It makes me wonder if everyone I’ve met has felt this way and perhaps that is why I have difficulty maintaining relationships of all kinds. Have people only put up with me to avoid further conflict?
All this added up to needing a break from many things. I spent a day at home, signed out of and deleted social media apps, and spent the whole day in my pajamas. I think some would call this a recovery day. I think it helped. I have a refueled ambition for my blog but also for how to move forward with social media in regard to my writing. Within 24 hours of hitting my lowest point in a long time, I have bounced back to at least a slightly functional human. I have a list of tasks I need to complete, but I’m uncertain how to move forward with personal relationships.
This has always been something I’ve struggled with and when I think I’ve improved, I find more obstacles. It’s a never-ending battle and sometimes I wish I didn’t have to hold a job and could just write every day and make enough income to survive. I’m taking steps to move my life in that direction, and it will be years before that is my sole source of income. I have an appointment scheduled with a psychiatrist and hopefully from that first session I can get a plan of action. I’m giving myself a year to work on many things.
There are many factors I have no control over, and these are the things I think I struggle with the most. There is only so much I can do about my financial situation and stabilizing that holds the biggest uncertainty. Almost half of this past year I was unemployed, and many other things caused it to be potentially the worst year in my recent life. I think that’s why I’ve hit such a low point and can’t find any resolution. So, I do the only thing I know how to do. I bury myself in my work and avoid all humans. Sometimes that’s what I must do to survive.
I’m sorry I have not expressed my needs, wants, and wishes. I often feel selfish and believe I shouldn’t voice my concerns, but I’m learning that the path to healing requires me to be a little selfish. In the past, when I’ve attempted many different things, I didn’t succeed and believed I just wasn’t good enough. With this attitude, I stopped trying and would get upset when no one did something for me. How could they? I never communicated what I wanted; what I needed. I’ve been angry for so long never realizing I’m the one deserving of that anger.
I learn something new about Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder every day and am reminded that everything I hate about myself is a symptom. These are symptoms I may have the rest of my life. One of those symptoms is the failure to express one’s needs, wants, and wishes. Not everyone can get what they want, but there is a kind of power that comes with vocalizing them. It’s similar to writing down one’s goals. Something about that process makes them real. I won’t list everything I want, but I will try to communicate them more often. That alone will be a struggle.
The purpose of this letter is to make you all aware of the problem. This is my problem that I must deal with, but I need you all to be aware. I hope you will support me in this. I hope in some ways you will help me with this. My goal for the remainder of the year is to express my needs more often. Hopefully, it will not be in a burst of anger, but please take this with a grain of salt and remember that even if I’m shouting, what’s important is that I’m communicating. I most certainly need your patience and understanding as I work through my personal issues.
This is only step one in a journey that will take several years. I don’t expect to be good at it in the beginning. I expect to forget about it now and then, but I hope you’ll remind me. The future looks terrifying, but I’m determined to win this battle as well as the oncoming war. I’ve found that ever when I’m in a good mood I still have an underlying bad attitude so maybe this will help with that. I must say one thing. I don’t think some of you know me as well as you think you do, and I think some of you will not take this letter seriously. If you want to say something you think is funny, don’t say it to me.
Previously I wrote about a larger project I am working on that involves supernatural fiction in all its forms. I first discussed supernatural novels and today I am discussing supernatural television series. This does not include all supernatural television series. The criteria are similar to my selection of supernatural novels. I’m only looking at TV series from the last 35 to 40 years and they must involve supernatural events excluding science fiction. I do make some exceptions with TV series based off novels or films only because the TV series surpassed the original source material in popularity.
One can consider this list to be some of my favorite television series. Some are not but I included them on the list because they fit the criteria and were popular shows during their time or still are. I even include some cartoons and Anime. This is a short list compared to the amount of supernatural television series and please keep in mind, the list is short only for my convenience otherwise I would be overworked. The project is extensive as I’ve prepared it and opening up to all the things would make the project impossible to finish. I would like to finish this project within the next couple years.
Here is my list of the best supernatural television series’.
Are You Afraid of the Dark? (1990–2000)
Courage the Cowardly Dog (1999–2002) *
Penny Dreadful (2014–2016) *
American Horror Story (2011– )
Santa Clarita Diet (2017– ) *
Being Human (2008–2013)
The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy (2001–2007)
Death Note (2006-2007) *
Stranger Things (2016- ) *
Twin Peaks (1990-1991) *
iZombie (2015- )
The Vampire Diaries (2009-2017 ) / The Originals (2013- )
Channel Zero (2016-2018) *
True Blood (2008)
Hemlock Grove (2013–2015) * – Case Study (Rule Exception)
Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1996-2003) / Angel (1999-2004) – Case Study (Rule Exception)
Supernatural (2005– ) – Case Study
The titles with the asterisk are shows that only have three or less seasons. Some of them will likely have more as they are ongoing, but I wanted to differentiate between the popular shows that were short lived and the shows that continue to be popular after many seasons. As with the list of novels, the case studies are works that have transcended their original media source and have become media franchises. The television show Supernatural (2005 – ) is a case study simply because of its popularity solely as a television show. It’s the first show of this genre that continues to grow in popularity as it continues edging closer to two decades of syndication.
I’ve barely scratched the surface of all the data I must consume for this project and I am not entirely sure what the point of it will be. What will be my argument in this book length essay? What will be my hook for gaining new readers? How are all these shows, novels, films, games, and comics connected? Why does it matter? These are questions I’ll attempt to answer as I review all the things. All the Supernatural Things. Perhaps that will be the title of the project. Perhaps I’ll never finish this project. It’s something to do.