Starting a New Project


I have realized I can handle many of life’s challenges when I have something to occupy my mind; a project on which to work. Often, I feel the need to work on multiple projects simultaneously as one does not keep my attention for long or I don’t believe I have the time to give something the attention it needs. Mostly, I get bored and start a new project that interests me. I have gotten better at returning to unfinished projects and completing them. If I had enough money to survive and could still work on my projects full-time, I believe I would be better at finishing things before they lose my interest.

But I digress. I have started a new project. At least I have started researching it. I feel the horror genre in general is not taken seriously by society’s majority. Both horror and science fiction are coming of age and it’s time for them to be taken more seriously by both creators and consumers of those creations. These genres often hold creations that are popular with the masses but are rarely considered by the scholars or academics as noteworthy of analysis. My argument is subjective, but I think it is time we saw more horror at the Academy Awards or Pulitzer Prize winners.

I want to offer some insight into the horror genre, specifically supernatural fiction. The horror genre is too large for analysis and even the sub-genre of supernatural fiction would take years to analyze. To help me narrow down some of my research I will only look at works created in the last 30 to 35 years with a couple of exceptions. I will look at television programs, films, novels, graphic novels (comics), music, and video games. Within each of these sections I will offer case studies of works that have transcended their original media and have expanded into various other media such as comics becoming films and television programs and vice versa.

Even with narrowing down my search parameters, this project will require a couple years of work before completion. My main argument is why this kind of fiction is important and should be taken seriously and what this kind of fiction actually does for those who consume it. I believe there is just as much value in supernatural fiction within psychology as well as entertainment. In the way comedy can help achieve catharsis so to can horror. This perhaps is why the two work so well together. Entertainment exists to help people find and achieve catharsis with life’s struggles.

I already have a list of works I will research so please don’t send suggestions. I like the list I have compiled, and I will make small changes as I go. I may even change my overall argument. For now, any support you can offer is greatly appreciated. You can offer financial support by wither purchasing one of my books on Amazon or donating to my Patreon page. You can also support by sharing my work with friends and liking and following on all the social medias. I appreciate any help anyone can offer.

Some Panic Attacks Just Happen


You sit there, reading, minding your own business. To everyone else you look normal. They all think you’re a normal person having a coffee reading a book. Most of them don’t notice you. You blend into the crowd. You hide in plain sight. None of them could know what you think and feel, and you dare not tell anyone. You’re afraid it will scare them because it does scare you.

You sit, invisible to everyone; with your chest pounding, your thoughts racing, your hands shaking. You’re reacting to something. Something triggered you. Sometimes you know exactly why you were triggered. This is not one of those times. You don’t understand. You can’t explain it. You pick at your fingernails and cuticles. You twirl a pen or pencil in your fingers. You refill your coffee. Was it the coffee? Should you stop drinking coffee? The coffee didn’t bother you yesterday.

You survey the coffee shop. No one knows what’s happening to you. Even if they knew, they wouldn’t understand or care. Why should they care about you? They have their own problems. They’d think you were just some jackass craving attention. You know that’s what they’d think because that’s what you would think. But no one cares what you think just like no one cares what you’re feeling or what you’re doing. You’re the most insignificant person in existence.

You’ve pulled one of your cuticles too much and now you bleed. This distraction only works for a minute. Your thoughts stop racing, but your chest never stops pounding. You want to runaway but don’t know where. What you run from will follow you. How do you get away? Your thoughts are racing back, and your bloody finger doesn’t hurt anymore. You can’t even hurt yourself properly. There are never enough distractions.

You leave. You walk. You burn energy. It distracts you some and makes you tired. You need to feel tired. Keep running away until you’re tired; until your thoughts are tired.

A Letter to My Older Self


This won’t feel like much of a letter because I’m filling it with mostly questions.  It’s a natural desire to want to know the future. Everyone wants to prevent bad things happening in their lives and they want to anticipate possible fortunes.  I have enough anxiety and don’t want more, but this little exercise intrigues me.  I’m trying to think of what things actually concern me.  What do I want to know about myself?  I’ll do my best to not sound cliché, but I think it will happen despite my efforts.

I imagine you are myself at 60.  Do people ever enjoy our writing?  I don’t care about money or fame.  I hope we make enough to survive and live comfortably, but does our writing leave any kind of impact?  Does anyone care we created these things?  Are these things important to anyone besides us?  I guess I want to know if there is any point to doing this. What’s the point of writing a story if no one ever reads it?  I write for myself and always will, but I want other to enjoy it too.  I’m sure you would tell me to keep writing and keep fighting and all the things I want will come to me.

Asking if I’ll find love is one of those cliché questions.  Also, it wouldn’t be an accurate question because I’ve already found love a couple times.  I knew I loved someone when I cared more for them than I did for myself.  I once told someone I wanted them to be happy even if that meant not having me in their life.  I know love.  I’ve found love.  The question is, will I find someone who loves me the way I love them?  Will I find someone that’s important to me and I’m important to them?

That’s it!  Everything else in my life is trivial.  As long as I still have my friends in 30 years, I think I’ll be fine.  I know I’ll still write and I hope by then I find someone who wants to share their life with me and I share mine with them.  I don’t need a big house and all the money in the world.  I guess I’m keeping things pretty simple.  Things are never that simple for me.  I’m never that simple.  I’m looking at a 30-year rollercoaster, aren’t I?