Throwback Thursday Poetry: A Child’s Nightmare

Happy Halloween!

“time for bed”
my mother said
“you have school in the morning”
she tucked me in
kissed me then
crept away silently
i laid there for a bit
and then the feeling hit
something was watching me
i sat up rather quick
turned the light on which lit
my room and i saw nothing
with a sense of relief
i try to go to sleep
but alas i still feel eerie
over to the closet i sneak
and i hear the door creak
then dive back in bed like a swimmer
oh it’s just the cat
“get out of here Matt”
it’s calm in my room once again
the closet door flies
and something skulks in
in fear i throw the covers over my head
i hear something breathing
i feel my heart racing
i hope i’m just dreaming again
the blankets get yanked off
in the air i am tossed
i land on the floor and crawl under the bed
something grazed my coat
my heart is in my throat
there’s something walking towards me
it’s feet have claws
which probably slice logs
it’s skin is slimy and black
i’m screaming in fear
but nobody hears
and the creature tries to grab me
another comes from the side
and another from behind
they drag me back to the closet from which they came
it’s dark in this place
can’t see my hand on my face
and several monsters are above me
their mouths are wet and slimy
“MOMMY!” i am crying
and like hungry lions they begin to feast

Early poetry from James. From the poetry collection Pariah Bound: The Lonesome Poetry.

Hear No Evil: Auditory Hallucinations


My grandfather had paranoid schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder.  Because of this, I felt a need at an early age to study and learn about these mental conditions.  I feared, my father and I both, had the same conditions because we described what I perceived to be auditory hallucinations.  What I didn’t realize at the time was that we were aware these sounds were not real.  Schizophrenics have trouble distinguishing fantasy from reality.  I was completely unaware of anxiety as a disorder and was even less aware of my own anxiety.  The full scope of symptoms caused by anxiety feels never-ending.

Hallucinations are only talked about under severe situations where people hear voices and lose their grip on reality.  With anxiety, hallucinations are labeled simple because they’re often not of a specific thing.  Common types of sounds heard by those experiencing simple auditory hallucinations include; beeping, high-pitched noises, random noises, pops, and other unclear noises.

My own experiences include some of the previously mentioned sounds, but also single words that have no meaning.  If feels more like echoes of past things I’ve heard.  Imagine a ringing in your ears, but instead you hear a high-pitched noise or something like a train whistle.

You can’t imagine the relief I felt when I learned this was a symptom of anxiety.  That feeling; however, was bittersweet as I realized so many things in my life that I had no explanation for, or thought was normal for everyone, was actually caused by my anxiety.  So much of my life was influenced by anxiety.  It makes me wonder how things might have been different.  While I am not sure exactly when it started, I’ve had anxiety for a least twenty years.  At the time I’m writing this, I am 31-years-old.

Auditory Hallucinations are a cognitive symptom of anxiety.  Other cognitive symptoms include confusion, delusions, dementia, detachment, disorientation, forgetfulness, memory problems, and nightmares.  If you experience any cognitive symptoms, consult with a doctor as it may be related to something more serious.  Never self-diagnose yourself, even if you are a medical or psychiatric physician.

If you believe you’re experiencing auditory hallucinations, remain calm and consult with a doctor before you assume the worst.  If you’re aware they are hallucinations, that means you haven’t lost touch with reality.  You might ignore it like a ringing in your ears or you’ll assume you need rest.  Always consult with a doctor and tell your family, friends, or whomever you have for a support system.  There is no shame in revealing that you’re struggling.