Coffee & Contemplation: Pride Month

June is Pride Month. It’s about being proud of who you are and your sexuality, whatever it is. Homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, pansexual, demisexual, asexual; it comes in all shapes and sizes. The point is being proud of who you are. I identify as demisexual. This means I cannot reach full sexual arousal unless I have an emotional connection with the person. I’m not going to go into further details in this post. 

June is also PTSD Awareness Month. May was Mental Health Awareness Month so we’ll continue spreading awareness. June 27 is PTSD Awareness Day, and I’ll share more about that around that time. I have PTSD from various traumas I’ve experienced since childhood. This also caused me to have anxiety and depression. I have spent the last few years attempting to overcome some of my issues. I succeeded in some places and failed in others. 

The biggest thing for me is to no longer feel ashamed of having a mental illness. And to no longer feel ashamed of past transgressions. I’ve made many mistakes. I’ve lost people I cared about because I wouldn’t face my problems. I won’t feel sorry for myself anymore. I ask that everyone have pride in fighting against a mental illness. Be proud of the progress you’ve made. The point of Pride Month is to love yourself. So, bring awareness to your community and be proud of everything you’ve overcome.

Tuesday Poetry: Demisexual

It’s always been different for me
I used to think it was
Because of anxiety
I’m uncomfortable around new people
Connecting with someone romantically
That never happens right away
It takes time to feel attracted to someone
They are often friends and 
Often don’t feel the same
Sometimes they ignore and avoid me
I get over it
I can even maintain the friendship
If the other person wants to
But finding a partner
Is a losing battle
I don’t want to feel alone anymore
Friendships never last
I’ve been called prudish
I’m not sexual or romantic
I try but fail
Is it worth trying again

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

Poetry Monday: The Woman

She’s not just a woman
She is The Woman
The only one
She has such confidence and
Command of her sexuality
She is the most intelligent
The most beautiful
The most alluring
Goddess to grace
This dumpster fire of my life
I cannot live without her
And yet I cannot have her
I don’t want to control or possess her
Love is about appreciation not possession
I love her
I admire her
She does not feel the same
But she doesn’t reject me
She is mysterious and interesting
She’s everything I want in a life partner

From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.