Poetry Monday: Where Do You Go When You Have Nothing and No One?

I had nowhere to go
So, I walked and walked
Until my entire body
Was numb or sore

I ran through a list
Of people I could call
But it was late
And feared no one was awake

I thought they wouldn’t answer
This happened once before
And no one responded
I felt displaced – 

I tried to sleep on a bench
My sore body hurt more
I tried to sleep on the grass
Until the sprinklers came on

I wandered about for a while
When I decided to go home
I first tried to sleep in my car
Cracked the window for air

But all I got were small bugs
Buzzing – buzzing – 
In my ears and everywhere
I gave in and finally

Walked into my darkened apartment
The bedroom door closed
Two months sleeping on this couch
What I wouldn’t give to be alone again

I woke up after others
But the bedroom door still closed
With the clothes from the night before
I left again to be anywhere but there

I sit in a library – stomach moaning for food
Transferring my thoughts and my pain
From my body to the ink to the paper
I just want to be alone

From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.

Flashback Friday Poetry: Self-Inflicted Pain

somebody’s there
somebody swears
somebody cries
i love you

nothing is there
nobody cares
no one says
i love you

someone is with me
someone misses me
someone is screaming
i love you

no one is with you
nobody misses you
no one thinks
i love you

somewhere i’m wanted
somewhere i’m taunted
somewhere i hear
i love you

no place wants you
nothing taunts you
nothing sounds like
i love you

they all speak the truth
here is the proof
it happens all the time
so says my mind

they speak only lies
nothing can deny
they all have two faces
your mind is worthless

everything you believe
everything you achieve
means nothing

your mental shame

won’t take the blame
you’re the one
who caused the pain

you wish to stop the agony
you wish to stop the suffering
look inside yourself
and stop your mind from wandering

Early poetry from James. From the poetry collection Pariah Bound: The Lonesome Poetry.

Throwback Thursday Poetry: Inspiration

inspiration is all i need
but to find this inspiration
i must look deep
within myself and my soul
to my deepest, darkest desires
and fantasies

what is this
inside of me
i feel different
it seems
never before
have i felt
so differently

feeling inspiration
overtaking me
but it’s not what i dream
you see
there is something
changing in me
i begin to feel

Early poetry from James. From the poetry collection Pariah Bound: The Lonesome Poetry.