Throwback Thursday Poetry: Self-Esteem

self-esteem
is what i need
i can’t get it now
screaming please
on my knees
really, really loud

can’t you see
to be free
i must feel proud
with no pride
i can’t deny
i sink to the ground

i hear lies
in my mind
i am breaking down
as i cry
i wonder why
no one cares now

with this dream
i must bring
myself to the clouds
only then
can i mend
my heart inside out
without a doubt

Early poetry from James. From the poetry collection Pariah Bound: The Lonesome Poetry.

Poetry Monday: Penance

I put myself
Through Hell
Working so long
At a nightclub

I felt I 
Paid for
Past sins
I committed

I broke up fights
Protected others
Put my body
Through brutal punishment

I had crimes
Weighing on my soul
Serving my community
I would be absolved

What crime
Would require
Such a debt – 
I was 14

I indirectly
Helped my father
Beat my mother – 
I felt nothing

No sorrow
No joy
No ambivalence
No emotions

I was a
Cold, dead
Robot
Beep – 

It took years
Before I realized
Exactly what
I had done

And I accepted
My punishment – 
I think I’m still
Paying for it

I learned a lesson
I don’t watch people
Get hurt anymore
I try to stop it –

From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.