Throwback Thursday Poetry: Tormenting Pleasure

do not worry darling
i will not take your virtue
i must do an examination
much can be learned from you
first we must give you tests
to see if you are even immune
once that is over
we will move to the operating room

do not try to struggle
it’s impossible for you to move
it’s a very simple procedure
to see if the arm will grow on you
it’s painful for you right now
but the morphine will be kicking in soon
Oops, i forgot to mention
we didn’t give any to you

death is coming shortly
but this could be one big Ruse
we’ll keep you alive until
through this torture, you are consumed
your greatest hope now is
will someone come to the rescue
why are we doing this again
Oh yeah, just for something to do

Early poetry from James. From the poetry collection Pariah Bound: The Lonesome Poetry.

Coffee and Contemplation: Quarantine is Just Another Day for Me

Before anything with this virus happened anywhere, I lived an uneventful life. Since October, I’ve limited going out and other social activities. My main goal was to save money. I filed for bankruptcy. Worked many jobs. I had seven W-2s when I filed my taxes for 2019. I haven’t seen some friends in months. Other friends don’t want to see me. Despite several jobs, I had to watch my money and buy cheaper food. Ramen. Rice. Spaghetti. I managed. I knew my financial situation would improve at the end of March. That’s when I’ll finish paying my attorney fees for the bankruptcy.

Then the pandemic happened. I lost income because a couple of my jobs are in entertainment. They canceled the events. I also work part-time in a coffee shop. A national chain that I won’t mention here. They have cut back operating hours. All my coworkers and myself are losing hours. With the cut in income, my shopping essentials are more important. But the grocery store is out of all the things I often buy. Everyone else panic bought all the cheap stuff. I have to spend more than I usually do, but I can still manage.

To add insult to injury, everything in Tucson closes around 6pm or 8pm except the grocery store. And everything in grab and go only. I can’t go anywhere to get out of the house. Not even to read a book. I understand why. I’m not complaining about the reason behind these decisions. I’m only documenting my experience. Sometimes getting away from the house, a change of scenery, is comforting. My options were always coffee shops and libraries. I don’t have any friends I spend time with anymore. I don’t spend time with anyone. Now I’m not allowed to sit in any coffee shops and the city closed the libraries.

When all this is over, everyone will go back to their normal routine. I’ll sit in coffee shops again and buy the food I always buy. Otherwise, my routine will remain the same. Others may look back on these weeks as something exciting. That time they had to focus on survival. I’ve only known survival. I don’t know what normal life feels like. I imagine things will pick up for me by the end of the year. There is a gloom of uncertainty hovering over the future. I’ve only known survival and I know I’ll survive this. Don’t forget what it felt like to lose everything you took for granted. Stay safe readers.

Twofer Tuesday Poetry: Hostile Work Environment & Confession

Hostile Work Environment

It’s the hustle and bustle

Some have 3 jobs

No one works at one
Job for twenty years
Anymore

You need a couple
To get by

Jobs that don’t pay well

They drain your spirit
Your soul
Your creativity
Your life

It’s survival

The hustle and bustle

The economy will kill you

Confession

Today is a bad day
I’m struggling
I keep going to
Negative places
Dark places

I need you to know
I’m in love with you
I know you’ll never
Feel the same for me
But I know you care about me

I couldn’t say this
In person because
I’m afraid you won’t
Want to see me anymore
So I don’t cling to you

I also think nothing
Can come between us
I believe that you care for me
I trust you – To me
Trust means more than love

It will be a long time
Before I trust someone
As much as I do you
But I want you to be happy
Even if that means
Not being in your life
But I hope you’ll let me

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.