Throwback Thursday Poetry: Steps to Insanity

the time has come to say goodbye
i am no longer able to cry
this life has been a wild ride
somehow i have lost my pride

it will be rough as i glide
to the underworld after i die
Satan will laugh as i try
to escape from the Hives

do not ask how or why
it has gone before my eyes
i must now try to decide
to make it right or lose my mind

Early poetry from James. From the poetry collection Pariah Bound: The Lonesome Poetry.

Breaking from the Social Media Madness

Toward the end of January, I went hard with social media posting. I posted something every day and I checked notifications constantly. I think this took a toll on me. All that extra noise on top of already feeling depressed and people started telling me that I always say something that rubs people the wrong way. It makes me wonder if everyone I’ve met has felt this way and perhaps that is why I have difficulty maintaining relationships of all kinds. Have people only put up with me to avoid further conflict?

All this added up to needing a break from many things. I spent a day at home, signed out of and deleted social media apps, and spent the whole day in my pajamas. I think some would call this a recovery day. I think it helped. I have a refueled ambition for my blog but also for how to move forward with social media in regard to my writing. Within 24 hours of hitting my lowest point in a long time, I have bounced back to at least a slightly functional human. I have a list of tasks I need to complete, but I’m uncertain how to move forward with personal relationships.

This has always been something I’ve struggled with and when I think I’ve improved, I find more obstacles. It’s a never-ending battle and sometimes I wish I didn’t have to hold a job and could just write every day and make enough income to survive. I’m taking steps to move my life in that direction, and it will be years before that is my sole source of income. I have an appointment scheduled with a psychiatrist and hopefully from that first session I can get a plan of action. I’m giving myself a year to work on many things.

There are many factors I have no control over, and these are the things I think I struggle with the most. There is only so much I can do about my financial situation and stabilizing that holds the biggest uncertainty. Almost half of this past year I was unemployed, and many other things caused it to be potentially the worst year in my recent life. I think that’s why I’ve hit such a low point and can’t find any resolution. So, I do the only thing I know how to do. I bury myself in my work and avoid all humans. Sometimes that’s what I must do to survive.

Store Coming Soon

Good news everyone! On February 12, I will launch an online store for my website. What are some things I’ll sale through this online store? I will have autographed copies of my paperback books for sale. They will be cheaper than buying them from Amazon and with my signature. With shipping, the costs may come out the same. Shoppers will also have the ability to purchase custom written poems and haikus. These custom poems can be about anything one desires; funny, romantic, raunchy, contemplative, etc. I’ll also have poetry prints. These are 11×17 posters with one of my poems for one to hang in their living room or wherever.

The main product I am most excited about is the t-shirts with titles of some of my poems. Each shirt is related to one of the poems in my most recent collection of poetry titled “Men Are Garbage.” Yes, one of the shirts says, “Men Are Garbage.” You’re welcome ladies. At launch, the shirts will be approximately $30 only because I don’t have any in stock and will have to order them to be made for every purchase. Once I can buy many in bulk, the price will drop. Shipping costs will remain the same. 

I’m hoping with the sale of books on Amazon and with sales from this new online store, I can make enough money to devote more time to my writing without having to work multiple jobs just to pay the rent. As always, I appreciate those of you who have downloaded my works and I will continue to ask for honest reviews. If you hated it, say so. If you loved it, say so. If you felt indifferent, say so. The more honest the better. Be sure to check out my published works and keep an eye out for more updates as the shop launch comes closed.