arizona – Page 10 – James Pack

July 16, 2018

A Letter to My Older Self

This won’t feel like much of a letter because I’m filling it with mostly questions. It’s a natural desire to want to know the future. Everyone wants to prevent bad things happening in their lives and they want to anticipate possible fortunes. I have enough anxiety and don’t want more, but this little exercise intrigues me. I’m trying to think of what things actually concern me. What do I want to know about myself? I’ll do my best to not sound cliché, but I think it will happen despite my efforts.

I imagine you are myself at 60. Do people ever enjoy our writing? I don’t care about money or fame. I hope we make enough to survive and live comfortably, but does our writing leave any kind of impact? Does anyone care we created these things? Are these things important to anyone besides us? I guess I want to know if there is any point to doing this. What’s the point of writing a story if no one ever reads it? I write for myself and always will, but I want other to enjoy it too. I’m sure you would tell me to keep writing and keep fighting and all the things I want will come to me.

Asking if I’ll find love is one of those cliché questions. Also, it wouldn’t be an accurate question because I’ve already found love a couple times. I knew I loved someone when I cared more for them than I did for myself. I once told someone I wanted them to be happy even if that meant not having me in their life. I know love. I’ve found love. The question is, will I find someone who loves me the way I love them? Will I find someone that’s important to me and I’m important to them?

That’s it! Everything else in my life is trivial. As long as I still have my friends in 30 years, I think I’ll be fine. I know I’ll still write and I hope by then I find someone who wants to share their life with me and I share mine with them. I don’t need a big house and all the money in the world. I guess I’m keeping things pretty simple. Things are never that simple for me. I’m never that simple. I’m looking at a 30-year rollercoaster, aren’t I?

July 9, 2018

A Letter to My Younger Self

There’s so much to be said. How can I sum it all up in one letter? I’m you, but older; much older. Life hasn’t been kind to us. You’ve already been through a lot and there’s so much more you will go through. It seems unfair, but everything has a purpose. I don’t expect you to understand that, but one day you will. And believe it or not, things will get better. Then they’ll get worse only to get better again. That’s how life is; ups and downs. The ups are never as great as you think, and the downs are never as bad as you think.

You’ve got another 25 years before you start to understand all the things that happened to you. Why do you feel what you feel? Why do you think what you think? The answer will come. My advice to you is to always trust your instincts. In many ways, your instincts are the only thing you can trust. They help you survive. They teach you. They protect you. People will come and go. This will hurt, but you’ll keep going. You’ll have trouble trusting them, but don’t judge them too harshly. They’re like babies and don’t know any better. Sometimes you make the same mistakes they do.

You’re going to feel alone for a long time. Don’t let it bother you. Loneliness can be a strength and sometimes it helps you survive. Be careful not to let it consume you. That’s a darkness that’s hard to escape. Sometimes you’ll want it to consume you. Just know you’ll always find your way out. Your future doesn’t have much love, but there is some there. It may not be the kind of love you want, but I promise it’s the love you need. You won’t be much younger than me when you finally understand what love is, but it will change your world for the better. It will make you a better person and a better friend.

Believe in yourself and don’t listen to any of the negative things you hear. Don’t listen to the negative things you tell yourself. You have to make your life something you enjoy. You have to mold yourself into the person you want to be. No one will help you and most people won’t care. You’ll know you’re doing something right when more and more people want to spend time with you and talk to you. It will feel too-good-to-be-true because you’re used to people being awful. Not everyone is awful, and miracles do happen. Everything you’ve survived and will survive makes you a walking miracle. Remember that. You are a miracle. Never give up! Never surrender!

June 23, 2018

Story Submission Struggles

I have spent many years studying and learning about the publishing world. I believe this has gone on for somewhere around ten to fifteen years. I’ve studied the self-publishing process and the traditional publishing process. Self-publishing is easy, but you have to put in all the work for marketing and selling your book. Traditional publishing is difficult to get into, but once you’re in, you’re good to go. In attempting to get something published in the traditional fashion, I have learned what writing mistakes I use to make, and I’ve been correcting them. Writing is a skill that one must develop over time. Nothing happens overnight.

I have sent many stories and poems in for consideration to many online magazines, and a few that still print magazines. And with the continued rejection, I persevere. I want to make something clear. I am not angry about these rejections and hold no animosity towards these magazines. Sadly, I will never know what caused the rejection. I assume it’s because my writing isn’t up to par, but for all I know, they may not have liked the subject matter or the story overall. Unfortunately, I don’t have anyone in the publishing world who can critique my work.

Every one of these rejection letters sounds the same. “Thank you for the opportunity to read your work, but we will not be considering it for publication.” Or something like that. They always say thank you for the submission and ask you to submit again. Part of me wonders if they have to reject new authors X number of times before they will publish something. It doesn’t matter because it causes me to continue growing and improving as a writer. Eventually, I’ll write something they want to publish.

I now want to share a list of the many stories I’ve written and the publishers that rejected them. This is not a dig on the publishers. I want other writers to see who I’ve submitted to and maybe they’ll feel less discouraged after receiving a rejection letter. Rejection is part of writing and I’m proud to have these rejections. The purpose of this post is to help other writers. I also want to note, I am not including word count or any guidelines to these submissions. Look it up on your own if you’re interested. I’m including the progress on unfinished short stories as well just for fun.

- - The Demon’s Favor
    - Rejected by – Clarkesworld Magazine, Underbelly Magazine, Apex Magazine
  - Where the Bullfrogs Gather
    - Rejected by – Apex Magazine, Strange Horizons, Flash Fiction Online, Stupefying Stories
    - Currently submitted to Orson Scott Card’s InterGalactic Medicine Show
  - Insanity Kills
    - Rejected by – Clarkesworld Magazine, Apex Magazine
  - The Puppet Maker
    - Rejected by – Apex Magazine, Clarkesworld Magazine
  - Vexed Ventriloquist
    - Rejected by – Flash Fiction Online
  - Ceres
    - Rejected by – Clarkesworld Magazine, Apex Magazine, Unnerving Magazine, Shimmer Magazine (Ending All Publications in Fall 2018)
    - Currently submitted to Strange Horizons

- The Sapphire Cat – 12.5%
- Gladiators – 12.5%
- The Dragon Sanction – 12.5%
- Escape from Century – 62.5%
- NPIA (National Paranormal Investigative Agency) – 62.5%

This is not a list of all the short story publishers out there and it is a little different from the novel publishing world. I found these online magazines from the lists on the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America and the Horror Writers Association. These are basically writing unions and one day when I actually have money, I will pay and signup to become a member of these associations. Perhaps that will help me improve my writing. I am including link to all these other magazines, so you may submit to them if you wish. And no matter how many rejections you get, never stop writing. Never give up; never surrender.

Apex Magazine

Clarkesworld Magazine

Orson Scott Card’s InterGalactic Medicine Show