Black Chaos is Coming

Official Announcement Time: My next collection of poetry is coming April 13th. The cover reveal is below. This collection will feature 30 new poems. That’s all. It’s a short collection compared to my many others. I took the advice from a reviewer and didn’t put so many poems in this time. There are a couple poems that might feel out of place, but it relates to several months of growth I experienced. You can pre-order the eBook on B&N Nook and Amazon Kindle. The paperback will be available in April. It will be a small paperback. I also plan to have some bookmarks available for sale to go along with the release of the book.

So, what’s this collection about? Here’s the online description: “Depression is black chaos. A chaos that destroys the soul and pushes friends and family away. This collection features poetry about loss and solitude. It’s a journey of rediscovering and learning to love one’s self. A journey of hitting rock bottom and climbing out of the deep pit of despair.” Maybe that’s not your cup of tea, but writing these poems was the beginning of recovery for me. I will never stop fighting this battle. It will get easier with time. Anyway, once I decide on a design for the bookmarks, I’ll ask everyone’s opinion before printing them. Tell me what you think of the cover in the comments.

The Cover

Coffee and Contemplation: National Coming Out Day

This might be a more interesting conversation we have this morning. National Coming Out Day began back in 1988 to encourage people to stop living in the closet and be proud of their sexuality. I identify as Demisexual, leaning towards asexual. Demisexual individuals need a strong emotional bond with someone before they get fully sexually aroused. Asexual individuals show less interest in sex, but that doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy sex. If you want to know more, I recommend you do a quick google search. I have been vocal about this for many years once I learned about and understood these sexualities.

I would also like to make this day about coming out with one’s mental health struggles. Many are ashamed of their mental illnesses. There is no shame in having a mental illness. Sometimes it involves chemicals in your body being out of balance. Sometimes it’s because you faced some awful or difficult situations in your life. Having a mental illness means you survived. Be proud of surviving. I have talked about my personal struggles with PTSD, Anxiety, and Depression. I’m vocal about it and I think those who know me understand and accept me more than they did before. Coming Out Day is really about not having secrets. No secrets from your friends and family. No secrets from yourself. Don’t hide who you are.

Positivity Gave me a World Without Limits

So, it’s been a year to the day since everything fell apart around me. I don’t want to go into all the details. On October 7, 2019 (the day after my world imploded), I started writing three good things that happened to me every day. Some days I’d write more than that, but I always made sure to have at least three. As time went on, I started writing four good things that happened to me every day and why those things were important to me. I’ve done this every day for an entire year. What’s different about myself now from one year ago?

For starters, I’m more positive. Not only that but it’s easier to see positive outcomes or circumstances. I lived so long in a black stew of anger and depression. I thought that was normal. I thought there was no way I could be wrong. I call it the black chaos. With this extra positivity, I noticed I enjoyed little things more than before. Some things I don’t remember ever enjoying. Like taking a picture with friends. That darkness kept me from living my life fully. I never realized how much I had been missing.

Another thing that changed came as a surprise to me. I was sharing some of my story with a coworker. She said she noticed a difference. I thought she would say I was happier or more cheerful. But I didn’t expect her reply. She said I had more confidence in myself. It never occurred to me that would be something that would improve. That’s when I really took hold of this positivity. Not only did I keep making changes in my life, I started looking forward to those changes and what they would bring. The sky was not the limit. The stars were not the limit. The world had become limitless.

I still have a long way to go. I’m not ready for any kind of romance. I’m not even ready for dating. My goal for this next year is to find a full-time job so I don’t have to work several part-time gigs. I have the means to live comfortably and save money, but I want something more fulfilling. I also plan to finish the first draft of the first novel I’ve ever written. Maybe I can get a publishing deal in the next year and that’ll be the first step towards a career. Like I said, possibilities are limitless.