Twofer Tuesday Poetry: Symptoms & Shitty Male Role Models

Symptoms

Lack of trust
Social isolation
Difficulty expressing
Emotions
Low self-esteem
Inhibited sexuality
Repressed memories
Feeling different
Not human
Hopelessness
Auditory hallucinating
Anxious behavior
Terminal loneliness
Premature ejaculation
Inability to orgasm
Chest pounding
Hands shaking
Panic attacks

Shitty Male Role Models

My sister was in the army
I had just graduated Basic Combat Training
My father was never in the service
But his brother was way back when
He explained, in the army, that was this and this was that
My sister said things had changed
She said that was that and this was this
My father said no – that was this and this was that
I said my sister was right about that and this
My father said, “Oh I guess they changed things.”
Wasn’t my sister’s validation good enough?

We were at my father’s uncle’s house
And the police showed up
Someone accused my father’s uncle
Of sexually molesting a baby, less than 2-years-old
The police left; no arrests
My father and sister and I said nothing
We learned later the accusations were true
Having a father who had no respect for women
Suddenly didn’t sound so bad

From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.

Coffee & Contemplation: New Book and Other Mishaps

So, I messed up last week. I scheduled my Fiction Friday post for last Friday along with my Flashback Friday post. Fiction Friday should have been today. I’ve had a weird couple of months, and I’ve been extra busy. A mistake was bound to happen at some point. Despite this mishap, I’m looking towards the future. I have many things in the works, and I’d like to share some of those with you all.

This past Tuesday, I released a new book. I didn’t advertise this much. It was more of a personal achievement. The book is called Mushaburui: A Mental Health Journey. This is nonfiction and autobiographical. I spent two years writing for a couple of blogs along with my personal blog. These are personal stories of things I was thinking and feeling at the time. I decided to publish them all together. I may write more and publish those as well. I wanted to see how far I’ve come. This will help push me to continue moving forward.

I still have a long way to go on this journey and writing has helped. I also have another collection of poetry releasing in January titled Cats, Coffee, Catharsis. It’s available for pre-order on Amazon Kindle. I have more details about this as we get closer to the release date. I’m also using some poems from past collections for a show I’m putting on in January. As part of the Tucson Fringe Festival, my show “Men Are Garbage” will feature poems from the collection of the same name. This is also helping me on my mental health journey as many of the poems are about personal experiences.

The show is on Friday, January 10, 2020 at 7:30 at Studio ONE. Get more details and tickets from the Tucson Fringe Festival’s Online Store. I’m both nervous and excited about this as I’ve never read my poetry for that long with no one else on stage. It will be an interesting experience.

The new year has a lot in store for me. I hope it does for all of you too. I hope you all enjoy the remainder of the year. Stay safe out there.

Poetry Monday: Better Off Alone

I dated a girl
With Borderline Personality Disorder
I cared about her
And I thought she cared about me
It didn’t work out
For multiple reasons

Months later
I thought
Did she care for me
Or did her disorder
Make her think she cared for me
If it was the disorder
Did that mean
I took advantage of her
In that condition

I felt like
The biggest
Piece of shit
On the planet
I didn’t want to be
That kind of person

I didn’t have sex
For four years

From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.