Poetry Monday: Panic Attack

Breathing heavy
Hyper alert
Heart racing
Fingers tingling
Hands numb
The chills
No control
Irritability
Moody
Panic disorder

Staying busy
Mindless tasks
Movement is calming
The moment will pass
Just keep moving
Avoid others
Remove stimuli
Deep breaths
Fighting yourself
A constant battle

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

Poetry Monday: Choosing to be Alone

I pursue time alone
Mostly because there are
Few people I want to be around
None of them make me feel comfortable

I seek out connections
With other people, searching
I want someone to share life with
Positive influences are hard to find

Even family can be tiresome
Or they fail to notice my discomfort
Perhaps they don’t care
Or are too self-absorbed

Meeting people in public
Is equally disappointing
I don’t know them well enough
Or I genuinely don’t like them

There are few I actually like
And I don’t see them often enough
Life feels easier around them
Why aren’t more people like that

It’s difficult finding balance
Removing certain people from your life
While trying to bring more people in
Nothing goes as planned

I pursue time alone
Because I can’t be with those people
The ones who lift me up
Who make me feel important

But when I’m alone
I don’t feel important
I feel pain and sorrow
I feel like death

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

Poetry Monday: Even the Cats Won’t Snuggle with Me

Chills and chest pounding
Pulse feels normal
Negative thoughts stewing
Festering – 
Positive affirmations
Repeated in vain
Negativity pounds through me
Feeling the whole body
Shaking – 
My hand holds steady
What is the shaking?
Negativity surging
Can’t sleep
Tossing and turning
My thoughts won’t stop
Thoughts worse than nightmares
Fighting – 
Wishing to be held
Hugging, some comfort
Something to not feel
Alone in this world
Companions – 
The pounding chest
It never ends

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.