Poetry Monday: Choosing to be Alone

I pursue time alone
Mostly because there are
Few people I want to be around
None of them make me feel comfortable

I seek out connections
With other people, searching
I want someone to share life with
Positive influences are hard to find

Even family can be tiresome
Or they fail to notice my discomfort
Perhaps they don’t care
Or are too self-absorbed

Meeting people in public
Is equally disappointing
I don’t know them well enough
Or I genuinely don’t like them

There are few I actually like
And I don’t see them often enough
Life feels easier around them
Why aren’t more people like that

It’s difficult finding balance
Removing certain people from your life
While trying to bring more people in
Nothing goes as planned

I pursue time alone
Because I can’t be with those people
The ones who lift me up
Who make me feel important

But when I’m alone
I don’t feel important
I feel pain and sorrow
I feel like death

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

Poetry Monday: Even the Cats Won’t Snuggle with Me

Chills and chest pounding
Pulse feels normal
Negative thoughts stewing
Festering – 
Positive affirmations
Repeated in vain
Negativity pounds through me
Feeling the whole body
Shaking – 
My hand holds steady
What is the shaking?
Negativity surging
Can’t sleep
Tossing and turning
My thoughts won’t stop
Thoughts worse than nightmares
Fighting – 
Wishing to be held
Hugging, some comfort
Something to not feel
Alone in this world
Companions – 
The pounding chest
It never ends

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

Poetry Monday: Snowflake Requiem

In it’s first instant
The first moment
It’s first thought
The first feelings
Falling – drifting – 
Gracefully dropping
From unknown origins
The air is cold and
Powerful, pulling, dragging
But the snowflakes
Never collide or touch
Graceful chaos – 
This snowflake
And it’s unique pattern
It can’t remember the time before
Maybe the other flakes
Have forgotten too
It floats and falls
Surfing on gusts
Still never touching
The multifarious falling flakes
On a journey down
Down to the endless white
What is the destination – 
After the eternity
The snowflake lands
On the branch of a tree
The other flakes continue down
To the whiteness from which
The tree protrudes
The flake sits alone – 
It wonders again of
The time before the fall
And where it came from
No memories are there
The other flakes sit together
On other branches and the ground
Other flakes have stopped falling
This flake sits at the top of a tree
Overseeing so many
Distant and cut off from so many
It wonders how all the other
Flakes can be together
How were they able to come together – 
Children below play with
Multiple flakes packed together
Snowballs, snowmen, snow angels
The one flake envies the fun
All the flakes participate
Except this one
Who doesn’t know how
To join with another flake
Who sits atop the tree
Afraid to join the crowd – 
The night falls and passes
And the sun creeps
Into existence
The air is still cold
But lifeless – 
The flake watches it’s
Brethren disappear
In large patches
Vanishing, melting
Where have they gone
And did they go together – 
In it’s last instant
The last moment
It’s last thought
The last feelings
Drifting – darkness – 
A lonely sleep

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.