The more time I spend With other people whether They’re strangers or friends The more I feel alone – These people, these activities They’re only distractions To keep my mind off How alone I feel – There’s no one to help me No one to make it all better It’s in my head and I have to fix it Because I created this problem – I created all the sadness And anger and loss – Yes, I’ve felt pain And trauma from others But they didn’t allow it To stew and fester within – I did that – I am the architect of my own hell And I will be its destroyer – But I don’t know how
Chills and chest pounding Pulse feels normal Negative thoughts stewing Festering – Positive affirmations Repeated in vain Negativity pounds through me Feeling the whole body Shaking – My hand holds steady What is the shaking? Negativity surging Can’t sleep Tossing and turning My thoughts won’t stop Thoughts worse than nightmares Fighting – Wishing to be held Hugging, some comfort Something to not feel Alone in this world Companions – The pounding chest It never ends
In it’s first instant The first moment It’s first thought The first feelings Falling – drifting – Gracefully dropping From unknown origins The air is cold and Powerful, pulling, dragging But the snowflakes Never collide or touch Graceful chaos – This snowflake And it’s unique pattern It can’t remember the time before Maybe the other flakes Have forgotten too It floats and falls Surfing on gusts Still never touching The multifarious falling flakes On a journey down Down to the endless white What is the destination – After the eternity The snowflake lands On the branch of a tree The other flakes continue down To the whiteness from which The tree protrudes The flake sits alone – It wonders again of The time before the fall And where it came from No memories are there The other flakes sit together On other branches and the ground Other flakes have stopped falling This flake sits at the top of a tree Overseeing so many Distant and cut off from so many It wonders how all the other Flakes can be together How were they able to come together – Children below play with Multiple flakes packed together Snowballs, snowmen, snow angels The one flake envies the fun All the flakes participate Except this one Who doesn’t know how To join with another flake Who sits atop the tree Afraid to join the crowd – The night falls and passes And the sun creeps Into existence The air is still cold But lifeless – The flake watches it’s Brethren disappear In large patches Vanishing, melting Where have they gone And did they go together – In it’s last instant The last moment It’s last thought The last feelings Drifting – darkness – A lonely sleep
James Pack 