Twofer Tuesday Poetry: Holiday Whiskey & The Moon Smiles as Humanity Dies

Holiday Whiskey

Twas a night I can’t remember
The day and time are lost
I sat watching flickering lights
Sipping on a whiskey
Alone with those blinking colors
Alone with my own thoughts
This was my usual past time
During holiday nights

My mind began to wander and 
I recalled one Christmas
A memory smelling of death
A sudden tragedy
That never left my family
Even thirty years past
It looms over the holiday
Leaving an awful taste

My mind again did wander to
Another Christmas day
I was young and saw my father
As he beat my sister
The violence was not new in him
He had beat my mother
But never on a holiday
No holidays were good

If not domestic violence
My parents would argue
I remember all the bad times
The happy times were few
I sit watching flickering lights
Sipping on a whiskey
Alone with those blinking colors
Alone with my own thoughts

The Moon Smiles as Humanity Dies

This is the end
No more sunrises
No more stargazing
We’ve killed ourselves
Yet we go through the motions
We continue marching towards oblivion

Is this a simulation
When the clock counts down
Will we restart at the beginning
An explosion that reboots the universe
A continual time loop
Repeating until we get it right

Are we all depressed and suicidal
Because we know the end is here
Or is it the only way to motivate
Everyone to stand and fight
To fix what we’ve broken
To heal the planet before we kill her

Earth is dying
Humanity is dying
The stars and galaxies continue spinning
What will the Moon do when Earth dies
Who will remember the robot rovers of Mars
Who will remember us
Not the Moon

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

Twofer Tuesday Poetry: The Monsoon's End & Sad Thoughts on Christmas Eve

The Monsoon’s End

Change is never easy
Not even little things
I spent the summer
In libraries – coffee shops – 
Places I felt comfortable
Summer ended – students returned – 
Each place was crowded
The comfortable spots gone
Feeling lost and exiled
I wanted one place
I could call mine
No money to rent
Or lease an office
No sanctuary – no retreat – 
Even the taste of
Coffee lost its pleasure

Sad Thoughts on Christmas Eve

It’s been a couple weeks
At the least
Since I showered

My beard grew long
It was extra itchy
I cut it all off
But still have not showered

I’ve mostly been home
With my cats
Callie and Coco
The only two creatures
Who offer me affection

I haven’t eaten much
Other than bread and rice
And free meals from work

Dishes have been in the
Sink for over a week

I should clean out
The litter boxes
Or the cats will pee
On my bed out of spite

Things on my To-Do list
Are getting done but
It takes hours to
Work up motivation

Sometimes I wander
For hours because
I don’t want to be
Anywhere but I don’t
want to be home either

I just keep walking

Where do you go when
You don’t feel like you
Belong anywhere

I don’t want to
End my life but
I don’t want to
Be alive anymore

There’s no satisfaction
There’s no pleasure

I lose interest in
Intimacy with myself
Because no one else
Wants to be
Intimate with me

I see compassion
From others but
No affection

I don’t know what it means
To be confident anymore

Things always end the same

For some reason I keep
Trying – never give up
Never surrender

If there’s no affection
And no intimacy
Am I really living
Am I alive at all

I see myself in the mirror
With dark, sunken eyes

How have I avoided
Drugs and alcohol

I keep writing
Something inside me says
My story needs to be told
But I have many stories
And can’t tell them all

I can keep going until
I run out of stories
And the stories will never end

My purpose is to share
My stories even when it
Feels like no one is listening
And eventually I’ll be gone
But my stories will keep me alive

My stories are my legacy

That is immortality

But for now I am
Alone with my stories
Waiting for someone
Anyone to listen

I just want to be heard

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

Twofer Tuesday Poetry: Loss, Love, Life & Survival Doesn't Help You Grow

Loss, Love, Life

He wanted
Her
To see
The love he had
But
Her love
Was not
The same – 
She loved him
Yes, but
Not 
The same – 
No one ever
Loves you
The same
As you do
Them – 
But they love
And that’s
Something – 
Or maybe it’s
Nothing – 
Maybe love
Is the only thing
Any of us
Truly own – 
He doesn’t want
To own
Love
Anymore – 
But it
Never goes
Away – 
Love is there – 
Wanted or not – 
We all must
Learn to
Live with love
And without it – 
Whether you
Love yourself
Or don’t
You must live

Survival Doesn’t Help You Grow

When you hit rock bottom
You can only go up
When you’ve hit your
Lowest low
The first step feels too high

You don’t know how you are
Until someone tells you
You don’t notice the anger inside
Until it drives everyone away
You don’t notice what you avoid

How do you unlearn everything
That helped you survive
How do you learn to live
When all you know is survival
Survival is no longer enough

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.