Category: Fiction

Posted on

Hellpets – Part 6

Read Part 5

            “Hi Haura.”

            “What do you want Hinn?”

            “Just sayin’ hi.”

            “Can’t you see I’m napping?”

            “But you’re talking. You wouldn’t talk if you were asleep.”

            I tried ignoring him hoping he’d go away.

            “I know you didn’t fall asleep that fast.”

            “Do you need something Hound?”

           “It’s so boring around here.”

            “Try a nap.”

            “I wanna run around. I have a lot of energy. In Hell, I could run all over. I would chase demons and Hellbats and Hellbears and human souls. Earth is stupid.”

            “Congratulations! You’ve learned the secret.”

            “What secret?”

            “Earth is boring.”

            “I wish I knew that before accepting this assignment. Hey! What was it like the first time you came to Earth?”

            “Quieter.”

            “You mean people didn’t talk as much?”

            “I mean there weren’t any annoying Hellhounds asking a lot of questions.”

            “Now you’re just being rude.”

            “Don’t care.”

            “Since we’re working together, we should try not being rude to each other.”

            “Still don’t care.”

            “I’m sorry this is all new to me. I haven’t been up here for 200 years. I’m not jaded like you.”

            “I’m not jaded. I’m used to how things work here. I know my job and I’m good at it. I know when I need to work and when I can take a nap. And right now, is nap time. So, get away from me and let me SLEEP!”

            “That’s a scary face.”

            “Do you ever shut up!?”

            “You seem really upset. I’ll just go watch some TV and let you rest.”

            I didn’t think he’d ever leave. Why do I have to put up with this guy?

            “Hey! We should get our human to buy some of these treats they have on the TV!”

            “I WILL TEAR YOUR SKIN OFF AND EAT YOU INTESTINE IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP!”

            “Um…okay.”

            Finally, some silence.

            “I’ll ask you about it later.”

            “BY THE WRATH OF LILITH, I WILL END YOU!”

Part 7 coming November 13.

Posted on

Hellpets – Part 5

Read Part 4

            “What’s the point of this?” Hinn said.

            “It’s the best way to watch humans without them knowing.” I said.

            “Do you do a lot of watching through the window?”

            “It passes the time. And usually your human assignment doesn’t bother you.”

            “Usually?”

            “Don’t ask.”

            “Okay. What’s with that guy on the corner?”

            “He’s smoking and watching people.”

            “I didn’t know humans were on fire.”

            “What? No! He’s smoking a cigarette. That thing in his mouth.”     

            “Oh. Why?”

            “It’s a thing some humans do.”

            “What’s he doing now? Is he following that guy?”

            “Ooo nice. He’s a pickpocket.”

            “What’s that?”

            “A thief. He just snatched that guy’s wallet out of his pocket.”

            “A pickpocket? That diabolical fiend! I’m taking his soul to Hell.”

            “Woah! Relax. Put those teeth away. You don’t take anyone until they’re dead and you can’t kill them.”

            “Then what do we do? Just watch all this happen?”

            “Yep.”

            “That’s so…boring!”

            “You get used to it.”

            “How long have you been doing this?”

            “About 200 human years.”

            “That’s a long time. So, you’re like a human expert.”

            “I guess. Humans aren’t hard to figure out. They’re all pretty dumb.”

            “And you never collected a soul?”

            “No. That’s your job. I just watch them until they die.”

            “All the souls I collected were already dead?”

            “Yep.”

            “This is the worst job ever. I need action. I need excitement.”

            “Watch TV.”

            “What’s that?”

            “It’ll teach you about humans while I take a nap.”

            “How does it do that?”

            “Watch.”

            “Whoa. Humans are inside that box?”

            “Wow. You’re dumb. Let’s try something else.”

            “What’s this?”

            “It’s a cartoon. You’ll like it It has a dog that talks to humans. They solve mysteries.”

            “That’s so cool.”

            Praise Moloch. That should distract him for a while.

Read Part 6

Posted on

Hellpets – Part 4

Read Part 3.

            “My name is Hinn, by the way.”

            “Okay Hinn. Why are they sending Hellhounds topside? They run out of souls for you to drag off? Or is this punishment for something you did?” I said.

            “I like to think of it as a promotion.” 

            “You actually want to be here?”

            “You don’t?”

            “Humans are overrated.”

            “Why not go back home?”

            “That requires effort.”

            “Does telling me your demon name require effort?”

            “Yes.”

            “I’ll call you Duchess then?”

            “Ugh, fine. Haura. Are we gonna share our food and clean out each other’s ears now?”

            “Um…no? Is that a cat thing?”

            “You’ve never spent time on Earth before, have you?”

            “Oh, I come here all the time to do…Earth stuff. I know lots of Earth dogs.”

            “How many have tried to mount you?”

            “Mount like demons riding on Hellbats? Earth dogs can fly?”

            “Good one.” He looks confused. “Wait, you’re serious?”

            “Look I can’t fly so people are gonna notice that I’m not a real dog. If I’m caught, they’ll terminate this project and I’ll lose my job.”

            “Dogs don’t fly. You misunderstood what I meant. I have to explain the mortal world to you. That must be what Ligur meant by show you the ropes.”

            “Have you ever lived with a dog before?”

            “No. What kind of dog are you anyway.”

            “I’m what’s called a Black Lab. I’m told humans think my floppy, bouncy ears are cute. Is cute a good thing?”

            “Not to me. What’s this project you were talking about?”

            “The plan is to have Hellhounds on Earth to make soul collection more efficient. More souls at a time, less travel time, that sort of thing. I’m the first one so if I fail, the whole project fails.”

            “They team up the Hellhounds and Hellcats and then what?”

            “Oh, this is just for training. If all goes well, I’ll train the next hellhound. The bosses were reluctant for us to team up. They really want to keep the hounds and cats separate.”

            “I wish they had.”

            “Look, the sooner you teach me about life on Earth, the sooner we can go our separate ways. Let’s just get through this. Deal?”

            “Whatever. Fine.”

Read Part 5