Hellhounds are awful. They’re mindless goons too stupid to disobey orders. And they smell. I lose brain function when I hear them speak. I’ve heard sorority girls have more intelligent conversations about reality shows. Hellcats and Hellhounds were never put together. We have a great system. Hellcats watch over the humans up here. Then Hellhounds drag their souls down there. One never has to talk to the other. This new partnership feels like a setup.
The new human isn’t bad. I don’t know how they did it, but he didn’t take long deciding to take me home. He read my sheet and barely looked at me.
“Duchess Minerva Skimbleshanks. Bombay. Female. 10 years old. Well, Duchess, I think you’ll fit in at my home.” He said.
“Wonderful. Most people prefer not to adopt black cats. And she’s a senior kitty so we’re waiving the adoption fees today.” Another human said.
He didn’t say much on the drive home. He’s already better than my last assignment. He set up my litter box and things while I looked around. Haven’t seen any dogs yet. Maybe the Hellhound went to the wrong place. Maybe Ligur was messing with me. He’s not one for practical jokes but he is evil and obnoxious.
“Okay Duchess. I know you’re not comfortable here yet. I’m gonna get Duke from out back. He’s a dog. I promise he won’t bother you. I understand if you want to avoid him. He’s a big baby so I’m sure you can handle him.” Charles said.
Maybe I was wrong about this guy. His pets are named Duke and Duchess. I hope he dies soon.
“Duke, this is Duchess. You be nice. And don’t be a fatty and try to eat her food.”
His tail is going nuts. The only word he understood was food. Maybe he’s just an Earth dog.
“Okay. Let’s get you something to eat.”
That sounds disgusting. Why does he eat so loud? I can’t believe I’m stuck in this place. Maybe he’ll talk to me now that the human left. Let’s get a closer look at this dog. His eyes are glowing.
“You’re name really Duchess?” He said.
“No. You’re name really Duke?”
“No. You’re a Hellcat?”
“How do I know you’re not an Earth cat?”
“There’s no such thing as Earth cats.”
“So, all cats on Earth are –”
“From Hell, yep.”
“That explains why they’re awful.”
“Your snorting while you eat is awful.”