Hellpets – Part 4

Read Part 3.

            “My name is Hinn, by the way.”

            “Okay Hinn. Why are they sending Hellhounds topside? They run out of souls for you to drag off? Or is this punishment for something you did?” I said.

            “I like to think of it as a promotion.” 

            “You actually want to be here?”

            “You don’t?”

            “Humans are overrated.”

            “Why not go back home?”

            “That requires effort.”

            “Does telling me your demon name require effort?”


            “I’ll call you Duchess then?”

            “Ugh, fine. Haura. Are we gonna share our food and clean out each other’s ears now?”

            “Um…no? Is that a cat thing?”

            “You’ve never spent time on Earth before, have you?”

            “Oh, I come here all the time to do…Earth stuff. I know lots of Earth dogs.”

            “How many have tried to mount you?”

            “Mount like demons riding on Hellbats? Earth dogs can fly?”

            “Good one.” He looks confused. “Wait, you’re serious?”

            “Look I can’t fly so people are gonna notice that I’m not a real dog. If I’m caught, they’ll terminate this project and I’ll lose my job.”

            “Dogs don’t fly. You misunderstood what I meant. I have to explain the mortal world to you. That must be what Ligur meant by show you the ropes.”

            “Have you ever lived with a dog before?”

            “No. What kind of dog are you anyway.”

            “I’m what’s called a Black Lab. I’m told humans think my floppy, bouncy ears are cute. Is cute a good thing?”

            “Not to me. What’s this project you were talking about?”

            “The plan is to have Hellhounds on Earth to make soul collection more efficient. More souls at a time, less travel time, that sort of thing. I’m the first one so if I fail, the whole project fails.”

            “They team up the Hellhounds and Hellcats and then what?”

            “Oh, this is just for training. If all goes well, I’ll train the next hellhound. The bosses were reluctant for us to team up. They really want to keep the hounds and cats separate.”

            “I wish they had.”

            “Look, the sooner you teach me about life on Earth, the sooner we can go our separate ways. Let’s just get through this. Deal?”

            “Whatever. Fine.”

Part 5 coming October 30.

Hellpets – Part 3

Read Part 2

            Hellhounds are awful. They’re mindless goons too stupid to disobey orders. And they smell. I lose brain function when I hear them speak. I’ve heard sorority girls have more intelligent conversations about reality shows. Hellcats and Hellhounds were never put together. We have a great system. Hellcats watch over the humans up here. Then Hellhounds drag their souls down there. One never has to talk to the other. This new partnership feels like a setup. 

            The new human isn’t bad. I don’t know how they did it, but he didn’t take long deciding to take me home. He read my sheet and barely looked at me.

            “Duchess Minerva Skimbleshanks. Bombay. Female. 10 years old. Well, Duchess, I think you’ll fit in at my home.” He said.

            “Wonderful. Most people prefer not to adopt black cats. And she’s a senior kitty so we’re waiving the adoption fees today.” Another human said.

            He didn’t say much on the drive home. He’s already better than my last assignment. He set up my litter box and things while I looked around. Haven’t seen any dogs yet. Maybe the Hellhound went to the wrong place. Maybe Ligur was messing with me. He’s not one for practical jokes but he is evil and obnoxious.

            “Okay Duchess. I know you’re not comfortable here yet. I’m gonna get Duke from out back. He’s a dog. I promise he won’t bother you. I understand if you want to avoid him. He’s a big baby so I’m sure you can handle him.” Charles said.

            Maybe I was wrong about this guy. His pets are named Duke and Duchess. I hope he dies soon.

            “Duke, this is Duchess. You be nice. And don’t be a fatty and try to eat her food.”

            His tail is going nuts. The only word he understood was food. Maybe he’s just an Earth dog.

            “Okay. Let’s get you something to eat.”


            That sounds disgusting. Why does he eat so loud? I can’t believe I’m stuck in this place. Maybe he’ll talk to me now that the human left. Let’s get a closer look at this dog. His eyes are glowing.

            “You’re name really Duchess?” He said.

            “No. You’re name really Duke?”

            “No. You’re a Hellcat?”


            “How do I know you’re not an Earth cat?”

            “There’s no such thing as Earth cats.”

            “So, all cats on Earth are –”

            “From Hell, yep.”

            “That explains why they’re awful.”

            “Your snorting while you eat is awful.”

Part 4 coming October 23

Hellpets – Part 2

Read Part 1

            After the human died, the daughter dropped me off at the animal shelter. I’ve been here for three days and there’s been no sign of Ligur my manager. You’d think with all his special abilities he’d at least have sent me a message.

            Most humans want to adopt kittens, so I’m left alone in here. It’s a nice vacation from my assignments. I don’t care much for being in a cage. I could break out but that requires effort. We’ll see how long I last before some creeper tries to take me home and put me in a soup.

            “Well this trash box is cozy.”

            “Dammit Ligur! I was almost asleep. Where the Hell have you been?”


            “Don’t be a smart ass.”

            “I wouldn’t be true to myself if I wasn’t. Let’s review your adoption sheet. Oh! The humans call you Duchess? At your service my liege.”

            “Go sit on a firecracker.”

            “You speak with such elegance. Lucky for you, this is where you’ll meet your next assignment.”

            “Is that why you didn’t bother coming to see me sooner?”

            “I’m not exclusive to you, your highness. I do have several other familiars to look after.”

            “You could have sent a message.”

            “I’m giving you a message now. Sit tight. Your next assignment will come adopt you.”

            “Fine. Who’s the mark?”

            “His name is Charles Brady. Everything’s in the file.”

            “Is he another moron who thinks he’s special?”

            “He’s the real deal but has no idea. You’ll be his familiar, but you’ll also need to keep an eye on his other companion. It’s all in the file.”

            “Who’s the other companion? Another familiar?”

            “Read the file.”

            “That requires effort.”

            “I can always send you back downstairs. You did enjoy working in the HR office.”


            “Don’t strain yourself. I know words are hard for you.”

            “You’re a pain in the ass.”

            “You’re just now figuring that out?”

            “Shut up. Wait…is that right? He has a Hellhound?”

            “Indeed. A new program they’re trying. You get to watch the human and show the Hellhound the ropes.”

            “I hate you and wish you would die.”

Read Part 3.