Throwback Thursday Poetry: No More Pain

another day of humility
another day of horrible pain
the only thing that keeps me calm
is the thought of stabbing my palm
do you know how it feels
to live in misery
i can’t sleep anymore
it’s the thought of being alone
i have no one here with me
i can’t live with the insecurity

all i ever feel is pain
i can’t make it go away
i dream of feeling loved
but when it comes i try to run
i try to show myself to you
while i hide from all of you
it does no good to pray
Jesus laughs and walks away
my worst fear has come true
i’m alone and i hide from you

no more pain
please no more pain
just take it all away
|i cannot feel anymore
my body lies here on the floor
the bullet hole inside my head
took me down and struck me dead
none of you shall ever know
not until it’s a TV show
at least, i don’t hope so

Early poetry from James. From the poetry collection Pariah Bound: The Lonesome Poetry.

Flashback Friday Poetry: Self-Inflicted Pain

somebody’s there
somebody swears
somebody cries
i love you

nothing is there
nobody cares
no one says
i love you

someone is with me
someone misses me
someone is screaming
i love you

no one is with you
nobody misses you
no one thinks
i love you

somewhere i’m wanted
somewhere i’m taunted
somewhere i hear
i love you

no place wants you
nothing taunts you
nothing sounds like
i love you

they all speak the truth
here is the proof
it happens all the time
so says my mind

they speak only lies
nothing can deny
they all have two faces
your mind is worthless

everything you believe
everything you achieve
means nothing

your mental shame

won’t take the blame
you’re the one
who caused the pain

you wish to stop the agony
you wish to stop the suffering
look inside yourself
and stop your mind from wandering

Early poetry from James. From the poetry collection Pariah Bound: The Lonesome Poetry.

Poetry Monday: Having Gratitude in Times of Pain

I try to appreciate what I have
And try to ignore the things that I want
I always get exactly what I need
And happiness is just there within me
I accept my world as it truly is
But some things still push me towards the darkness
Like walking a tight rope, I keep balance
And try ever so hard not to fall in
I cannot lose to the darkness again

From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.