Tuesday Poetry: Escaping the Night Terrors

The nightmares don’t come often
They come in different forms
But the themes remain the same
I’m stuck or trapped or paralyzed
Some creature or other coming towards me
The fear is having no escape

I feel this way when I’m awake
Unable to escape bills and responsibilities
And escape from all the people
This is only an extension of my fears
From childhood trauma
Unable to escape the violence

Those memories are locked away
I don’t know how to release them
I can’t cope or heal until I do
Perhaps that’s why simple life tasks
Can be more difficult than they should
That’s why I want to escape everything

The creatures that come for me
From which I can’t escape in my dreams
It’s always something different
A ghost or a beast or demon
Who or what do they represent
Do they represent more than one thing

I don’t have the tools or skills
To fight these mental battles
I try to face my everyday problems
One at a time but more get added to the list
How do I face my inner demons
When everyday tasks leave me paralyzed

I must remember the dreams when I can
Sometimes I don’t dream
If I can see them on paper
Maybe I’ll find other themes
Maybe I’ll discover what I’m escaping from
Only then can I face the daily challenges

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

Tuesday Poetry: The Final Dam Breaks Destroying Everything

Tears are coming
Can’t show them here
Hide in the bathroom
Recite the mantra
Tears come anyway
Epiphany
Self-image shattered
What am I
Broken, damaged
Never felt codependent before
Never understood it before
The questions answered
Reasons why found
People never wanted my help
Or took advantage
Their silence was my sadness
Their silence wasn’t about me
I knew there was a lesson to learn
Before things would go right
I didn’t know it was this
Questioning
What’s real, what’s in my head
All of it and none of it
What do I need
Love
Who do I need it from
Myself
I once told you
If they’re important to you
They’re important to me
I’m important to you
It’s time for me
To be important to me
My love for you isn’t real
If I don’t love myself

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.