Tag: depression

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Poetry Monday: Hell is a Lonely Place

The more time I spend
With other people whether
They’re strangers or friends
The more I feel alone – 
These people, these activities
They’re only distractions
To keep my mind off
How alone I feel – 
There’s no one to help me
No one to make it all better
It’s in my head and 
I have to fix it
Because I created this problem – 
I created all the sadness
And anger and loss – 
Yes, I’ve felt pain
And trauma from others
But they didn’t allow it
To stew and fester within – 
I did that – 
I am the architect of my own hell
And I will be its destroyer – 
But I don’t know how

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

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Poetry Monday: Lethargy

Is this depression – 
A lack of interest
In all things
In everything
In nothing – 
I just lay here
With my thoughts
No distractions
Nothing to stop me
From thinking too much
A downward spiral
Into the darkness
Because of boredom – 
Am I just bored
And feel unhappy
Because I’m not
Entertained – 
Are boredom
And depression
The same thing
But from different
Perspectives
Like the opposite
Sides of a coin – 
I can force
Myself into some
Activity
Something to keep
The darkness away
But it’s always there
Lurking
Plotting
Biding its time
Waiting to consume
When I’m most
Vulnerable – 
Why do I
Feel this way
Why do I
Always return
To the black pit
Standing at the edge
Thinking that
Dark mystery
Is more attractive
Then life
Then living
Then love – 
I don’t want
To go into the pit
But I’m running
Out of directions
To turn

From the poetry collection Cats, Coffee, Catharsis.

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Twofer Tuesday Poetry: I Am Garbage & Depression

I Am Garbage

I remember
In my 20’s
I said things
I thought were funny
I thought they
Made me funny
I felt clever and fun and accepted
My jokes were
Bad and wrong
Everyone thought
I was sexist
A misogynist
A rapist
A serial killer
I stopped making jokes
I keep my hands
To myself
I watch what I say
Trying to be respectful
It’s been 10 years
People still hate me
They still think
I kill hookers
And hide the bodies
A dumb kid’s mistakes
Never go away

Depression

How far into the darkness do you want to go?
How far away from happiness will you venture?
You’ll never survive the shadows behind my eyes.
My own black forest made of sorrow and despair.
On the outside, I project happiness and fun.
Believe I’m easygoing, lighthearted, and free.
This is an illusion. It’s a mask that I wear.
You can’t comprehend when your thoughts turn against you.
You’ll feel nothingness, loneliness, and worthlessness.
You’ll feel these every day and hide it from others.
You’ll hope if you hide them enough they’ll go away.
You’ll stare out of the darkness wishing to escape.

From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.