I Am Garbage
I remember
In my 20’s
I said things
I thought were funny
I thought they
Made me funny
I felt clever and fun and accepted
My jokes were
Bad and wrong
Everyone thought
I was sexist
A misogynist
A rapist
A serial killer
I stopped making jokes
I keep my hands
To myself
I watch what I say
Trying to be respectful
It’s been 10 years
People still hate me
They still think
I kill hookers
And hide the bodies
A dumb kid’s mistakes
Never go away
Depression
How far into the darkness do you want to go?
How far away from happiness will you venture?
You’ll never survive the shadows behind my eyes.
My own black forest made of sorrow and despair.
On the outside, I project happiness and fun.
Believe I’m easygoing, lighthearted, and free.
This is an illusion. It’s a mask that I wear.
You can’t comprehend when your thoughts turn against you.
You’ll feel nothingness, loneliness, and worthlessness.
You’ll feel these every day and hide it from others.
You’ll hope if you hide them enough they’ll go away.
You’ll stare out of the darkness wishing to escape.
From the poetry collection Men Are Garbage.
James Pack 