Hellpets – Part 8

Read Part 7


            “Hey, I’m back.” Hinn said.

            “Damn.”

            “Did the human notice?”

            “You were gone for like five seconds.”

            “Is that a long time?”

            “No. You’ll get used to Earth time.”

            “It’s really convenient when you’re already up here fetching souls.”

            “Who was it?”

            “The soul? Some retail manager. Suicide.”

            “Retail’s a tough job.”

            “You think so?”

            “I wouldn’t want to deal with humans complaining all the time.”

            “Did anything happen while I was gone?”

            “A fly came inside.”

            “A fly!? Where is this intruding fiend? How dare you enter a Hellhound’s home.”

            I shouldn’t have said anything.

            “There you are. Hah. Hah.”

            He’s trying to eat the fly. This is almost entertaining. I’ll snuggle up here on the back of the couch and watch the show.

            “Owe. You made me trip. Come back here you furry swine!”

            “Hinn, I’m starting to dislike you less.”

            “You like me?”

            “That’s not what I said.”

            “Could you give me a hand with this Earth creature?”

            “But you’re doing so well.”

            “He’s too cunning and nefarious for me.”

            “That isn’t saying much.”

            “What?”

            “Nothing.”

            “What should I do?”

            “Try staying in one spot and wait for it to come closer.”

            “Good idea.”

            “Why do you look like you’re about to poop?”

            “I’m…trying…not…to…move.”

            “Wow.”

            “He’s…coming…closer.”

            “Ugh. Why do you snort when you chomp at him?”

            “I missed. He’s a slippery one.”

            “So nefarious.”

            “I know, right? How do Earth dogs handle this stuff?”

            “You should try asking an Earth dog?”

            “Great idea! Hey! Hey other dogs! Hey! Hey!”

            “Stop barking, you idiot.”

            “But dogs are shouting back.”

            “I changed my mind. I dislike you a lot now.”


Read Part 9 (the final part).

Hellpets – Part 6

Read Part 5


            “Hi Haura.”

            “What do you want Hinn?”

            “Just sayin’ hi.”

            “Can’t you see I’m napping?”

            “But you’re talking. You wouldn’t talk if you were asleep.”

            I tried ignoring him hoping he’d go away.

            “I know you didn’t fall asleep that fast.”

            “Do you need something Hound?”

           “It’s so boring around here.”

            “Try a nap.”

            “I wanna run around. I have a lot of energy. In Hell, I could run all over. I would chase demons and Hellbats and Hellbears and human souls. Earth is stupid.”

            “Congratulations! You’ve learned the secret.”

            “What secret?”

            “Earth is boring.”

            “I wish I knew that before accepting this assignment. Hey! What was it like the first time you came to Earth?”

            “Quieter.”

            “You mean people didn’t talk as much?”

            “I mean there weren’t any annoying Hellhounds asking a lot of questions.”

            “Now you’re just being rude.”

            “Don’t care.”

            “Since we’re working together, we should try not being rude to each other.”

            “Still don’t care.”

            “I’m sorry this is all new to me. I haven’t been up here for 200 years. I’m not jaded like you.”

            “I’m not jaded. I’m used to how things work here. I know my job and I’m good at it. I know when I need to work and when I can take a nap. And right now, is nap time. So, get away from me and let me SLEEP!”

            “That’s a scary face.”

            “Do you ever shut up!?”

            “You seem really upset. I’ll just go watch some TV and let you rest.”

            I didn’t think he’d ever leave. Why do I have to put up with this guy?

            “Hey! We should get our human to buy some of these treats they have on the TV!”

            “I WILL TEAR YOUR SKIN OFF AND EAT YOU INTESTINE IF YOU DON’T SHUT UP AND LET ME SLEEP!”

            “Um…okay.”

            Finally, some silence.

            “I’ll ask you about it later.”

            “BY THE WRATH OF LILITH, I WILL END YOU!”


Part 7 coming November 13.

Hellpets – Part 5

Read Part 4


            “What’s the point of this?” Hinn said.

            “It’s the best way to watch humans without them knowing.” I said.

            “Do you do a lot of watching through the window?”

            “It passes the time. And usually your human assignment doesn’t bother you.”

            “Usually?”

            “Don’t ask.”

            “Okay. What’s with that guy on the corner?”

            “He’s smoking and watching people.”

            “I didn’t know humans were on fire.”

            “What? No! He’s smoking a cigarette. That thing in his mouth.”     

            “Oh. Why?”

            “It’s a thing some humans do.”

            “What’s he doing now? Is he following that guy?”

            “Ooo nice. He’s a pickpocket.”

            “What’s that?”

            “A thief. He just snatched that guy’s wallet out of his pocket.”

            “A pickpocket? That diabolical fiend! I’m taking his soul to Hell.”

            “Woah! Relax. Put those teeth away. You don’t take anyone until they’re dead and you can’t kill them.”

            “Then what do we do? Just watch all this happen?”

            “Yep.”

            “That’s so…boring!”

            “You get used to it.”

            “How long have you been doing this?”

            “About 200 human years.”

            “That’s a long time. So, you’re like a human expert.”

            “I guess. Humans aren’t hard to figure out. They’re all pretty dumb.”

            “And you never collected a soul?”

            “No. That’s your job. I just watch them until they die.”

            “All the souls I collected were already dead?”

            “Yep.”

            “This is the worst job ever. I need action. I need excitement.”

            “Watch TV.”

            “What’s that?”

            “It’ll teach you about humans while I take a nap.”

            “How does it do that?”

            “Watch.”

            “Whoa. Humans are inside that box?”

            “Wow. You’re dumb. Let’s try something else.”

            “What’s this?”

            “It’s a cartoon. You’ll like it It has a dog that talks to humans. They solve mysteries.”

            “That’s so cool.”

            Praise Moloch. That should distract him for a while.


Read Part 6