As I have grown to understand the full scope of my anxiety, I am more open about discussing anxiety. I tell people I have anxiety. Some believe they can relate and are sympathetic. Some do have anxiety but never speak of their own struggles. I sometimes wonder if they think I am brave for vocalizing mine. Then there are others who do not understand anything. They associate anxiety with being nervous before a test or feeling stressed at work. They do not feel anxious every second of every day. They are why I share articles about anxiety.
Someone offered me a neck and shoulder rub. They said, “You’re so tense. Loosen up. Relax.” I replied, “I always feel like this. This IS me relaxed.” At the time, I did not know all the physical symptoms of anxiety. I have experienced muscle tension as long as I can remember. I did not realize I lived with this condition for almost 20 years. Everyone says I look tense, on edge, or hyper alert. It makes them uncomfortable, but they have no idea how uncomfortable I am. Their discomfort goes away; mine is constant. They are why I share articles about anxiety.
I want to understand myself, so I can heal and grow. I want other people to better understand where I am coming from and possibly appreciate me a little more. I want potential romantic partners to understand why I worry or lack confidence in myself. I want everyone to be patient with me and understanding. I want to be loved in a way I have never known. I want to feel comfortable and at ease with someone; with everyone. I want to feel like I am not a burden to everyone around me. That is why I share articles about anxiety. That is why I write articles about anxiety.
James Pack 